I’ve been craving a yum yum yummy, juicy, oily, satisfying burger. My desire brought me to One Fattened Calf, located near One-North MRT, in the mall whose name I never learnt, because what the fuck is Galaxis or Fusionopolis? Kinesis?! Solaris??? They are terrible names that tell me nothing about the building. The Shard looks like a shard of glass, and that’s how they all should be. Buildings ought to be distinctive with distinguishable names. (Actually, I don’t really care. Just one of my many loosely-held beliefs.)

OK. The burgers.

OFC Cheeseburger

150g premium grass-fed beef, freshly baked & toasted potato bun, cheddar cheese, charred onions, raw onions, house-made crisp pickles, OFC special sauce

OFC Burger

150g premium grass-fed beef, freshly baked & toasted potato bun, charred onions, raw onions, tomatoes, house-made crisp pickles, OFC special sauce

I enjoyed the cheeseburger very much. The staff were friendly and seemed to like each other, which is oddly quite important to me. Earlier this year, at a different establishment, I ordered some takeout and the guy who took my order made a mistake. He got chewed out by the only other employee at the store. The guy appeared to be new (he didn’t know how to issue a partial refund) so all that anger felt like an overreaction for a kind of small thing. Or perhaps he wasn’t new, and he still can’t do a simple refund a year into the job, that’s why he’s getting scolded so hard? Either way, that interaction between them was so bad I never went back.

Cheese fries were delightful and tater tots crispy.

It was a good meal. The combo (burger + side + drink) costs around $20. I’m excited to return for the Butterburger and golden lime slushie.

Bedrock Origin Chopped Steak Burger

USDA prime beef, bacon, fried egg, mustard BBQ sauce, oak smoked aged cheddar, fries

It was beefy, but not quite decadent enough. Like, I didn’t get that MMM, yum yum yum feeling. Do you know that MMM, yum yum yum feeling?

Service was good. There were a couple of boo-boos but the staff made it up with earnestness and enthusiasm.

$38!

McDonald’s seasonal burgers

McDonald’s offers limited-time burgers several times a year and I think I’m finally done with them. (With the exception of McGriddles.) They’re usually mid, and I never feel GOOD after consuming one. (With the exception of McGriddles.) Sometimes I’ll even feel AWFUL. (Haven’t experienced this with McGriddles.)

I also hate that the concept of seasonal burgers is such a great marketing ploy and the hooks are always so good. I just saw an ad for cheesy jalapeño burgers yesterday and wanted one.

I most recently had their Tom Yum Prawn Burger (mid), Fish Nuggets (adorable but yuck), Thai Milk Tea Frappé (flavourless sweet slop mega yuck). Earlier in the year there was also the Creamy Mushroom Cheeseburger (😐), Spicy Tomato Burger (I enjoyed this one!), Chilli Crab Sauce Burger (😐). There must’ve been more I don’t recall.

Seasonal sides like Curry Chicken McNuggets and Spicy McNuggets are shockingly bland. You don’t understand how much I want them to be yum yum yummy. I want them to succeed. I want be WOWed. 🤩 I want new favourite foods and things to look forward to! I had such high hopes too, I remember being a vegetarian when the Spicy McNuggets first launched to raving reviews AND I COULDN’T HAVE ANY! Oh did I yearn… I also LOVE devouring a 20-piece box of McNuggets. SO enjoyable. Curry sauce? Yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yummy. Yes that’s 7 yums, it’s that good. It’s kind of wild that plain nuggets are so much tastier than the flavoured ones. It’s a shame.