“practice generosity”

The other day I heard the words “practice generosity” (thank you Venerable Dr. Juewei) and it blew my mind.

First of all, practicing generosity sounds fun. Second of all… I’ve never considered generosity as a thing that one can get better at. I thought it was either something you were born with, or something forged in your adolescence; as a grown person you simply accept the generosity volume you possess.

Giving money or sharing resources does not come naturally to me. If I do, it’s usually out of guilt, and following which, I experience a lot of bitterness and resentment. There’s also a deep sense of inauthenticity, like I’m being so fake, larping generosity! I know I’m selfish like I know I’m 162cm tall! Playing generosity has almost always been a negative experience for me, and so I concluded that I am not a generous person.

So it is mind-bending to hear generosity described like playing the flute. And now that I’ve accepted this as Fact, I feel like a fool to have believed that my stinginess was set in stone. Well of course nothing about the self is permanent! Of course I’m not an inveterate miser! And don’t I already know this? Haven’t I witnessed myself change in so many fundamental ways?

☕️ new feature: what i’m drinking

I added some pixel art and details of coffees and teas I’m drinking to the home page of this website. Here’s a snapshot:

The coffee bag and tea tin are clickable links! It’s more fun on the desktop, hover styles are lost on mobile and I’m not sure what to do about that.

deleted instagram

For two weeks in late April into early May I made an effort to use Instagram as a tool to connect with people. It went quite alright, until I made the mistake of being on it a little too much… on one particular Tuesday I clocked seven hours on the app. (The Reels feature is truly some kind of hell. God, the neverendingness! There is too much out there.)

And because everything is a response, because the pendulum has to swing the other way, because I was so fucking intense in my Instagramming, the corollary was an overwhelming urge to delete it this week, and so I did.

I feel sooo good.

👻 do ghosts exist?

I’ve been thinking about getting to the bottom of this mystery. I’ve wondered about it my whole life.

I want to say that I’m in the I don’t know camp, with the lack of scientific evidence and all, but really I’m leaning towards yes, ghosts are real. I am, afterall, afraid of ghosts, and wouldn’t it be so silly to be scared of something that doesn’t exist?